They are often criticized or mocked by mothers for their incompetence in taking care of a newborn child; they are judged severely by the best wives when, instead of scolding, they participate in the noise or disorder when going to the table. And when, instead of obeying the women’s calls, they walk away with an excuse, or start reading the newspaper... God forbid!
Poor dad, so little understood and “pitied”!
The fact is that in the house, no matter what they say, it is rare that it is he, the father, who is in charge. There was a time it used to be like that. Now it is the woman who sees everything with her own eyes as a woman: she always knows what is the right thing, what the best situation is, what are the reproaches to be made, what are the appropriate interventions. And it's rare, very rare, for her woman’s eyes to see like her husband’s eyes. That’s it. His way of “sending the house forward” is all different from the way the other half would do it.
Things get very complicated when there is a son or daughter in the house who needs special care and attention.
The position of the mother, even if sometimes duly masked, then becomes almost bossy, and dad is often left with the task of looking in silence; shutting himself off in an attitude of defeat; getting angry a lot because he feels isolated, not understood in suffering.
I say this smiling, knowing full well that this is not always the case. On the contrary!
The testimonies we have collected clearly and sincerely show how great and important the role of a father can be in the acknowledging and education of a disabled child. How much merit and gratitude is to be given to them—and when.
In a different way, of course, we mothers are committed to protecting, supporting, and leading their struggle so that the son or daughter becomes an element of union, of growth, and of satisfaction for the whole family.
It’s easier said than done, you’ll say—and yes, mistakes, failures, escapes, second thoughts don’t count.
What matters is to remember, always, that the way of loving has many outcomes, many facets, and it is, above all, different in dad and mom—and for this reason, all the more beautiful.
Mariangela Bertolini, 2005