When we speak of adults with intellectual disabilities, our thoughts naturally turn to their need to love and be loved in return. As we have said before, their hearts are not disabled—their feelings are intact.
Affectivity is a delicate subject, one with no simple solutions or precise rules, because each person is unique. It is, in my view, both simplistic and wrong to discuss the sexuality of the handicapped as if it were a disease requiring therapy, or a physical need to be satisfied. Yet when, if not in this issue, should we offer guidance to the many parents and educators who must navigate these problems?
Let us turn to Jean Vanier, who presents here a summary of his introduction to the book He Made Them Male and Female (Jaca Book), now translated and already presented in Ombre e Luci.
We strongly recommend this book to anyone seeking an answer to this problem, which in certain cases creates real distress and grave worry.
This book is a testimony. It is the fruit of nearly twenty years lived at L'Arche, where we live each day with people who have intellectual disabilities. By welcoming and listening to Raffaele and Filippo and so many others who had been cast out, I found myself drawn into a world that was unknown to me until then.
I came to understand the depth of their suffering, their longing for authentic relationship, and also the joy of living together.
To create a harmonious environment where each person can find a measure of peace.
Of course, living with them, I witnessed countless problems emerge. There were crises and violence, born from hearts deeply wounded. I had to learn everything. The challenges multiplied as time went on. I often felt helpless.
To create a harmonious environment where each person can find a measure of peace.
From the founding of the first foyer in 1964 to today, when L'Arche has 67 communities worldwide with roughly 200 homes, we have always faced issues concerning sexuality. Attractions formed between men and women. Couples came together. Some men were drawn to children, others gave way to exhibitionism. Episodes of homosexuality and masturbation occurred. All of this created difficulty for our team of caregivers.
We had to understand and adopt the most authentic, the most compassionate, and the most educational approaches possible. Facing the early difficulties—above all the violence—all our energies went into creating a harmonious environment where each person could find peace. We had to pass through a stage in which authority and structure were necessary; we had to establish clear boundaries. But once we had achieved a certain calm and new vitality, we could direct more energy toward listening to individual needs, working with each person to build a personal project, granting them the freedom they required.
Each home a small family
L'Arche became more personalized in this way; each home was increasingly a small family.
At first, I confess, I felt unprepared. The human being is profoundly complex, rich with potential for growth, yet also vulnerable and fragile. We lose confidence in ourselves and others quickly. I had to learn everything, and I believe I learned more through my failures and mistakes than through my successes. In life there are no real successes, only growth. My vision of humanity—of human need and human development—was shaped by my Christian faith and by my own upbringing. Yet I also sought to listen to what each person needed and required. I came to see that this approach offered everyone a measure of well-being and inner freedom.
What ethics for people with intellectual disability?
Around 1970, especially in wealthy countries, the theory of "normalization" emerged for people with intellectual disabilities—the idea that they can live as others do. We must absolutely avoid segregation. To treat someone as mad is to make them mad. To fear someone is to transmit fear of themselves and others to them. But if someone is treated as "normal," they become "normal." I had experienced this myself, living alongside men and women who had been institutionalized. The way we look at someone can transform them.
Yet "normalization" also creates problems, especially when it comes to relationships between men and women with intellectual disabilities. In homes and institutions where men and women live together, encounters happen. What rights do people with intellectual disabilities have regarding marriage and sexual relations?
The way we look at someone can transform them.
The way we look at someone can transform them.What should we do when a man and woman feel attracted to each other? How far can their emotional relationship go?
Often in the past, parents tended to ignore this problem. People with intellectual disabilities were then considered "asexual." At the opposite extreme, sometimes they were viewed as sexually disturbed and dangerous, especially toward children, and were locked away in large institutions, robbed of their freedom.
The theory of "normalization" sought to "normalize" the sexual lives of people with intellectual disabilities, insisting on the importance of sexual relations for their human development.
Faced with these sometimes contradictory theories about the emotional and sexual lives of people with intellectual disabilities, we at L'Arche had to take a stand and deepen our own vision.
We could no longer stop at intuition, nor could we passively accept Christian ethics as given. We had to understand and offer a response that was both wise and positive, without relying solely on prohibitions, to the different situations involving sexuality: homosexuality, masturbation, sexual obsession, various forms of violence, the formation of couples that did not seem to foster growth in either person.
To discover the profound meaning and richness of this sexuality, but also its limits and its relativity.
The complexity of human reality and the depth of certain affective deficits are such that there are no obvious or easy solutions.
The complexity of human reality and the depth of certain affective deficits are such that there are no obvious or easy solutions.We needed above all a pedagogical direction to follow and help people in their search, their problems, and their hopes for relationship. We had to deepen our intellectual, psychological, and human understanding of emotional and sexual life.
We also had to understand deeply what ethics might look like for people with intellectual disabilities. It would be senseless to leave them free to do whatever they wish, since they are not fully autonomous; to live, they need support and accompaniment. Moreover, to live together in society, we must always accept certain rules. Ethics presupposes understanding the law and the rules, and having the will to try to master sexual impulses and avoid what might harm oneself or others.
The human being is very rich in potential for growth, yet also deeply vulnerable and fragile.
The human being is very rich in potential for growth, yet also deeply vulnerable and fragile.But people with intellectual disabilities have deficits in reason and will. Many of them, in fact, understand perfectly well what they should do; they have a deep intuition of what is good, true, and just. Yet in most cases, if they are not in a welcoming environment, they lack both the will and the necessary self-control to avoid crises and to resist thoughtless acts and strong impulses.
They do not always have sufficient inner autonomy to direct their own lives. They are often easily influenced and dependent on their environment.
When they struggle with serious disturbances in the sexual realm, we cannot settle for simply laying down rules and relying only on dialogue. We must help them find new energy, new centers of interest and attraction. We must discover how to help them not only to master sexual impulses, but also to calm the very roots of genital sexuality. We must discover the profound meaning and richness of this sexuality, but also its limits and its relativity.
This book is the fruit of these investigations and this struggle. It was born from our difficulties, our fumbling, our searching, and above all from the human suffering of people with intellectual disabilities.
This book is not a treatise on sexuality, nor does it aim to provide precise answers to all the complex questions one might encounter. Those seeking clear answers to particular problems risk disappointment.
The complexity of human reality and the depth of certain affective deficits are such that there are no obvious or easy solutions.
To discover the profound meaning and richness of this sexuality, but also its limits and its relativity.
Starting from reflection on the origin of this suffering and on the profound meaning of human affectivity and sexuality, I have tried to show what principles and orientations have guided us in choosing how to act in particular concrete situations.
Based on these orientations, this book also invites you to do your own reflection on the matter.
I believed it right and true to share my full experience in this field without obscuring its deep Christian inspiration. The Good News of Jesus is a reality of love. For me, it would be insufficient to consider sexual questions outside the Christian perspective.
So this book, while not excluding professionals and parents who do not have faith, is addressed above all to Christian readers.
My experience shows me clearly that there is no rupture between the Gospel and psychology. The more deeply I understand my faith in what is essential about it, the more it helps me comprehend the human person—in his or her needs, sufferings, and cries. And the more I draw near to someone by listening and seeking to understand their needs, the more I am returned to what is essential in my faith in Jesus.
- Jean Vanier, 1987
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