Does laughter overflow from the mouths of fools? We grew up hearing this saying repeated by parents and teachers. At school especially, we often suppressed our laughter and smirks because laughing in class was seen as undisciplined or rude. We were constantly scolded for laughing at the wrong moment—but when, exactly, is it right to laugh?
Sometimes when we see young people laughing together on the street, caught up in our own thoughts and worries, we find ourselves wondering: what on earth do they have to laugh about?
Yet recently, laughter has become quite fashionable. Radio and television programs feature more and more comedians and entertainers. And "serious" research now tells us that laughter is good for us—good for our mood, yes, but also for physical health, even able to literally ease physical pain. So if laughter does us good, can we manage it even in difficulty? Even in suffering? Can we laugh at ourselves or at those we love? Can laughter truly help us bear the trials life sets before us?
In her book Laughter Takes Serious Work, Donata Francescato writes that a smile carries an unspoken message signaling the willingness of the person smiling to establish a friendly, equal relationship. A smile is powerful nonverbal communication that invites a smile in return. Several researchers also confirm that humor and smiling are among the best ways to connect with people we don't know. They help create a more relaxed atmosphere and a sense of belonging.
Self-mockery, too, serves a social function. When someone admits their own limits or problems, it reduces aggression in others and actually earns greater respect and a mutual willingness to meet halfway. Joking together can sometimes make us feel like equals.
Laughter is like taking a brief vacation from life—but only within certain limits can we joke about the contradictions woven into human existence itself.
How can we use irony or humor in the face of difficulty without crossing the line, without disrespecting others? Humor strengthens relationships and bonds between people when the person joking has friendly intentions, when they're gently poking fun at a behavior rather than trying to diminish the other person. It can even help a group move through a difficult situation together. But if someone uses irony without regard for its effect on others—if they use "joking" to actually discredit someone—then humor becomes harmful, muddling communication and delaying understanding.
In short: we can smile, laugh, or joke with someone, but never at someone.
In the pages that follow, we share the experience of a mother with a handicapped son, a clown who blends comedy with Christian faith, and in the highlighted section below, a modern therapy based on laughter.
Rita Massi, 2014