Children often cannot put their suffering into words. They hide it—sometimes even from themselves—and push it aside.
Adults, too, sometimes cannot face their own pain and rage. When they cannot, they may project those feelings onto their children.
Here we have a child who may be ashamed of what he feels and hides it away. But we don't know how his mother is experiencing his father's illness, or how she is helping her son live with it.
Both mother and son need real support. The mother should be referred to a psychologist at the local health authority's maternal and child services. Through counseling, she can learn to sustain her son.
The mother can then help her son understand that he can share his suffering with someone trained to listen—someone who can help him bear it more easily.
It is crucial that the child talk about how he is living with his father's illness. Pretending nothing is wrong puts him at risk. Unacknowledged pain can warp a child's character, or worse, make him sick.
His teacher should welcome whatever the child expresses, listening without judgment that might plant guilt in him. The teacher should encourage dialogue so the boy can release some of his anger at his father's illness and can draw close to his father again with renewed affection.
The school can offer another vital form of support—working with local social services if needed—by helping the child stay connected to peers and activities. A youth center, parish programs, day camps, overnight trips: all of these matter. The school might also encourage families in the class to invite him over, to include him in their free time. This would help the mother, who may be struggling alone to manage everything. By giving the child space and belonging, the school also tells a suffering family that they are not forgotten.
- Rita Massi, 1999