Growing Up

For some years now, in the legitimate pursuit of wellbeing for people with disabilities, there has been much talk of their "normalization." If that term means helping them go swimming, to the cinema, to church, to shop for their own clothes, and even to live in a small apartment, it can be a very good thing. But if "normalization" means the primary goal is for them to become "independent" and "like everyone else," then we might pause.

We are now in the realm of philosophy—of what it means to be human, of anthropology. And surely opinions differ here.

What does happiness consist of for a human being? What is "fullness" for a person? How do we help someone become truly happy and whole? What is the purpose of education?
Some believe that the ability to manage alone, to earn money, and to do what one wishes brings complete fulfillment. But does this make us happy?

Happiness requires friends with whom to share joy and sorrow, from whom we can receive support especially in moments of weakness and trial. But friendship demands responsibility and fidelity. It requires not only receiving love and support, but offering it to a friend in need. So being happy means growing toward an inner maturity that allows us to help others. Friendship reaches its height in marriage, when a man and woman become "one" to have children, to live family joy, and to share that joy with those around them.

Accepting oneself, even with one's weaknesses...

Being faithful in marriage requires deep work on oneself. We must make the passage from "the other for myself" to "myself for the other." Marriage is a demanding school of love, forgiveness, mutual understanding. The wounds and depressions that come from separation and divorce are always heavy to bear—for husband and wife and their children.

Maturity is an achievement we must work toward, something we must pursue with all our strength. We must fight against all the forces that lock us within ourselves in self-centeredness. When we are absorbed in ourselves, we cannot put ourselves in another's place, cannot will their freedom and happiness; we cannot live friendship.

One sign of maturity is this capacity to love another, to understand them, to rejoice in their joy, to suffer for their suffering.

Rejoicing in the joy of another

• Acceptance—accepting ourselves with our gifts and capacities, but also with our weaknesses.
  ...This self-acceptance is always evolving. It means accepting ourselves as our health changes with age and aging. What matters is being fully ourselves and managing ourselves as best we can, given the situation we are in.
• This acceptance of ourselves leads us to accept others as they are.
  Others are different; we must welcome these differences, accept each person as they are, help them grow from who they are. Dreams are good if they are achievable (at least in part!); they then become hopes or plans. Other dreams are only illusions, and people can be their prisoners; then they do not grow, suffocated by illusion. Illusion is an escape.
  Accepting others is not easy: there is so much fear in human hearts, and fear of difference quickly becomes prejudice. When we are afraid of others, we build barriers around ourselves, our friends, our group. A mature heart is one that listens and opens to others without judging or condemning.
• This acceptance of ourselves and others leads us to accept reality as it is.
  If it rains, it rains. How do we make use of rain? What do we do if the rain becomes a downpour and causes floods? Maturity also means being rooted in the ground of reality. Discovering our talents, grounded in truth. This means we know how to find help and are able to give it. It means we seek truth and go deep, to avoid all illusion and lies.
  Of course, this acceptance of ourselves and reality is not always easy. It is not easy to accept the loss of work, health, friends... These losses can cause "griefs" that resemble depression. These moments are normal; we must pass through them. Maturity also means accepting difficult, dark times, in order to move little by little toward the light. Is it not a sign of the maturity of parents when they progressively accept their disabled child? And not only do they accept—little by little they come to love them for who they are.
• Maturity also means setting priorities, managing one's abilities and responsibilities well. If we try to do too much, we lose ourselves; we do nothing with continuity; we can fail. If we are too afraid of spreading ourselves thin or of overcommitment, we do nothing; we protect ourselves too much. Life requires that we know who we are and what we are capable of doing. We are not God, and we are not nothing.
• Maturity means discovering our talents, our mission—what God calls us to accomplish. Whether it seems small or great in the eyes of others matters little. What matters is being ourselves, being happy, and doing what we can.

To conclude, maturity shows itself in inner freedom: freedom to be ourselves, freedom not to be guided only by the gaze and approval of others, but to be governed by God hidden within us, who loves each of us as a unique person. When we feel loved, protected, and guided by God who calls each of us to love others as he loves them, peace grows in our heart. This is another sign of maturity (o. et l. 124).