Where Do I Find Such Love?
To describe the suffering of a mother whose son is different is painful.
When the son is different and difficult—the kind you don't know how to handle—it becomes nearly impossible.
A life of constant struggle. Struggle for existence itself. Struggle between good and evil, and evil so often seems to win.
"Lord, why have you abandoned me?" The words rise to my lips in my darkest moments. A sensation of emptiness inside me. Every so often, a friend's voice: "Take courage. You are not alone."
I walk my son to the school bus. I feel so tired. I tell myself over and over: "He needs so much love."
Where do I find such love?
I step into the small chapel near my home. What am I looking for there? A remedy for my suffering? Yes. I seek out a small crucifix—my only anchor of salvation in this hard journey, my harbor of peace amid the storm. Christ's Cross, the teacher of suffering, a precious spiritual guide that strengthens the soul, though it is hard to bear.
Lord, do not abandon me. I ask only for the strength not to despair, and to keep alive in me the joy of living. Restore peace to my heart and to all those I love.
I leave the chapel and continue on my hard road: thy will be done.
- Angela Cusimano, 1976
