I don't like asking for help. It feels like announcing to the world that I'm poor, in need, somehow less capable. I want to present myself as strong, independent, fully competent. So I tell myself: "I'll manage. I'll push harder, skip a meal if I have to." Anything to avoid saying those four words: "I need you." How much my heart needs to change! Asking for help is really about living in solidarity, building communion, connecting with others. So accept being small. Don't pretend to be all-powerful or invulnerable. Don't fear becoming poor. Open your hands. Above all, be simple.
The dinner table is where we learn. It's the best classroom for paying attention to one another. You're looking for ketchup. First, you spot the red bottle across the table. Then you call out: "Elena!" She looks up. Now comes the moment: "Elena, would you pass the ketchup, please?" That simple act creates a bond—a kind of magic.
It's terrible to say, "I'm useless." When you say that, communion breaks. But when you ask for help, your brother grows: "You need me!" "I can do something for you?! That's wonderful!" One small rule: don't rob the other person of their freedom. If they feel guilty saying no, something was wrong with how you asked. Be as simple as possible: "Could you give me a hand, please?" I think of my old father: "Can you give me a moment of your attention? Or are you all out of patience?"
- David Wilson - Priest, L'Arca "Le Trois Fontaines" (France)
(From: Alleluja Arche - no. 28/2003)