"Our Family"
For the past couple of months, I have been receiving your magazine Ombre e Luci, which I read with great interest as the mother of an autistic boy. In issue no. 30, there was an article about the "Our Family" Center, filled with documentation praising it. I would like to share my personal experience with this center.
Last year, having heard wonderful things about it, I decided to write and send my son's medical records so he could be accepted and treated at one of the many "Our Family" institutes scattered throughout Italy. After months of waiting, the answer was a flat "no"—no explanation given. I didn't give up. I asked if at least my son could be evaluated for a week. They agreed, and I went with the boy.
As soon as we arrived, they told me not to get my hopes up because admission was out of the question. My son was examined. I spoke and spoke again with the entire medical staff, trying to make them see reason, but nothing worked. All they could tell me was:
1. That because my boy is Sicilian, he should use Sicilian facilities.
2. That because he is very lively, he would need a staff member assigned to him alone.
3. That, in their view, since he didn't have a favorable prognosis, they had to give priority to less desperate cases—children who were sure to improve.
These things, in all their contradiction, were thrown at me. I have to ask:
1. Are there truly hopeless cases, or can everyone, with proper treatment, make progress—large or small? Who can say? (And thank God my son is handsome, intelligent, and loved by everyone.)
2. Now that we are moving toward a united Europe, are these petty regional prejudices still acceptable?
3. In light of all this, shouldn't this center change its name? Because this is a closed family—you only get in if you have certain qualifications. It is not "Our" Family but "Their" Family! I would like you to publish this letter with my full name, because it seems wrong that families already suffering from the misfortune that has befallen them should read about this miraculous center and then have the door slammed in their face. The director herself told me, trying to console me, that "we turn away hundreds!" She was a nun. I won't say more. Please forgive my outburst.
Finetta Guerrera
We presented the Conegliano rehabilitation center run by Our Family and offered our positive judgment of it. It struck us as a service of high quality—the kind we wish existed in greater numbers throughout the country. But this does not mean that Our Family's centers admit every disabled child in Italy. We failed to mention—though it is widely known—that these services increasingly serve the local population, especially when dealing with children who should not be separated from their families. That said, it is also true that mistakes can be made even in such an organization. It is always difficult to "refuse" someone, especially when that person and their family urgently need competent, qualified educators. And it is equally difficult to find space when there is none to give. I know from personal experience how it looks when the directors of children's and adult centers close their doors—it seems they lack the care and generosity we expect of them. But I don't think it is fair to attack those who, in good faith, cannot accept new residents—whether because they truly cannot or because they are asked to serve people who need resources beyond what they possess. This is true not only for Our Family but also for the few valid institutions and centers that, precisely because they are good, are besieged daily by many people. I hope that parents organized in associations of various kinds will make themselves heard more forcefully about the need to create facilities that can truly care for the many young people and adults who cannot settle for mere school enrollment—or for whom the school cannot provide what is needed to help them develop and support their families concretely and effectively. It seems to me that parents, siblings, have carried too much burden alone, and for that reason they deserve real solutions—fewer conferences, fewer debates, fewer words.
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Tell Us About Them
I want to thank you for everything you give us with Ombre e Luci. In issue no. 29, it was a joy to meet you "in person."
Last month, at a wedding of friends of ours, I met a young man who, like the groom, had served as a volunteer at the cooperative "Il Seme" in Busto Garolfo, near Milan. This cooperative works with young people with disabilities, organizing work initiatives and activities for their free time. I'm sending you the address so you can help Ombre e Luci get to know them.
After the wedding lunch, we all went to celebrate at this cooperative. The facility—set in a beautiful park—is lovely in itself, but even more beautiful was the warmth and joy evident among the young people, their various friends, and the staff. These are the things that warm the heart!
Trixi Pezzoli
We hope to receive soon an article for publication in Ombre e Luci that tells us about this wonderful cooperative. It is heartening to know that so many initiatives like this are springing up here and there throughout the country. Please tell us about them.