We hope this column will appear in every issue of Ombre e Luci, offering a contribution—large or small—to this vital structure for you parents, for you friends, for those who need an adult life suited to your measure; a home that is more than a simple roof, but a place where you find security and warmth. In our last issue, we listed the residential communities we have visited and presented for their quality. Today, here is a small decalogue to reflect on and put into practice so that we can create true "places of life" for our older children.
To create a "place of life," you must:
Have a life project for them: a residential community is not simply a house—it is a way of living in it, of growing with one another. Live with them, not merely beside them: this is what they most want from us. Each person must set aside their degree and title to take their place in the home: each will bring their contribution and their skills, certainly, but without labels or pretense. Adapt constantly: you are collaborating in a shared life project. You must adapt to the life of the house, not adapt the house to your own needs. Be able to rely on one another: living together is not easy; only true loyalty and a genuine team spirit can keep you from losing your bearings. Be willing to question yourself: communal living with people facing difficulties sometimes confronts us with our own limits. Too much certainty about ourselves can be destructive. Accept taking turns and never facing difficult moments alone—moments that will surely come. Receive help and have someone to talk to: support and guidance from the team as you navigate life together—which is what community is—are essential. Be certain that you will gain more than you give: a young caregiver was once asked, "Aren't you afraid of burning out in such a demanding, exhausting job?" He answered: "No. I've discovered the most beautiful profession in the world." Speaking of an autistic boy who worked in the garden with him, he added: "Now I understand why I plant flowers."Adapted from an article by B. Franck, "The Future of Young Autistic Adults," SESAME no. 109, December 1993.