We'd like to offer you some practical advice in the form of a quiz.
These suggestions may help some of you—parents, educators, and friends alike—with the demanding daily work of raising children, especially those who present behavioral challenges.
The scenarios and guidance that follow have been developed and adapted by experienced educators who have dedicated their expertise for years to working with children facing serious difficulties.
Dear parent, we present a series of situations involving a hypothetical child (not necessarily your own) and a hypothetical family.
Read the questions below carefully. For each one, you'll find four possible responses: one is better than the situation described. Find it.
Then compare your answers with the "correct" solutions at the end of the page.
1 - Your child won't eat carrots, and you and your spouse disagree about how to handle it. What should you do?
a Mom puts carrots on the child's plate; Dad removes them.
b Mom and Dad discuss the issue at the table in front of the child.
c The parents discuss it privately and then follow a decision they've made together.
d Remove carrots from the child's menu entirely.
2 - You're invited to dinner at friends' and would like to go alone. A reliable relative offers to watch the child. What do you do?
a Decline the invitation.
b Explain to the relative how to handle things, then accept.
c Leave the child with the relative, hoping they know what they're doing.
d Bring the child along.
3 - Despite reminders, explanations, and corrections, every time your family goes to a public place (café or restaurant) the child starts running between tables and bothering other customers. What do you do?
a Ignore the problematic behavior.
b Call the child back every time he gets up from the table.
c Plan outings that gradually get longer (first a drink at a café, then ice cream, then pizza, and so on), rewarding the child for sitting quietly and waiting patiently.
d Leave quickly and don't go back to that place with the child.
4 - It's time for school but the child cries and is in distress. You've ruled out any real problem, like pain or illness. What do you do?
a Give the child a sedative and send him to school.
b Try to comfort him, speaking to him lovingly until he calms down.
c Keep him home from school, at least for that day.
d Stand firm in your decision and take him to school with gentleness but firmness.
5 - Relatives are visiting. You know they often give the child attention when he misbehaves—comforting him, or giving him candy if he starts crying for no reason. You want this to stop. What do you do?
a Tell the relatives you're working to reduce tantrums and ask them not to visit.
b Trust the relatives' good sense and let them behave naturally.
c Talk to the relatives beforehand, explain what you're doing, and ask them to ignore problematic behavior.
d Make the visit very short.
6 - Without any apparent reason, the child starts banging his head against the wall. What do you do?
a Let him do it until he really hurts himself.
b Slap him to make him stop.
c Try to calm him by touching and stroking him.
d Stop him without fuss and redirect him to an activity.
7 - You've decided to take the child to his room and leave him there for three minutes every time he throws or breaks something in the house. In which case can you skip this consequence, even if he throws or breaks something?
a In no case.
b If you think he's forgotten that he shouldn't behave that way.
c When the behavior is just a harmless prank.
d When the child is trying to test your limits.
8 - When it's bedtime, the child complains, whines, and often takes hours to fall asleep. What do you do?
a Ask your doctor to prescribe a sleeping pill.
b Let him sleep with you so he feels reassured.
c One parent or the other goes to bed with him.
d A parent stays in his room for a while, praising him when he's calm. Gradually, the parent spends less and less time with him.
9 - The whole family is at the table. The child finishes eating, gets up, takes food from his brother's plate, and runs off. This happens often and hasn't changed despite your explanations. What do you do?
a Stop him, take back the food he's taken, have him sit for a few minutes, then let him go play.
b Stop him and force him to eat the food he's taken.
c Explain to him that you don't take food from other people's plates.
d Ignore the problematic behavior.
Best Solutions
- C - Parents must discuss the matter privately and intervene with the child as a united front.
- B - This shows the parents' ability to step back from their child (when circumstances allow), take time for their marriage, and respond positively to help once they've made clear how to care for the child.
- C - To reach the final goal of correct behavior, you set progressive intermediate goals.
- D - You avoid reinforcing the problematic behavior. Later, a more thorough analysis of the problem may be helpful.
- C - This approach ensures a clear relationship with relatives while maintaining the educational line you've established.
- D - You prevent the unwanted behavior from taking hold. It's essential to interrupt self-injurious actions by physically guiding the child toward an activity that prevents it from happening again.
- A - This kind of intervention requires the utmost consistency and persistence to produce positive results. Therefore, the problematic behavior must never go unaddressed.
- D - The parent's presence, limited to brief moments, reassures the child without reinforcing the problematic behavior because you reward him only when he's calm. These periods should be gradually shortened.
- A - The best choice in most cases. The child loses the pleasure of eating the stolen food and the pleasure of going right off to play. Deprived of both rewards, he should give up the problematic behavior.