The following tips come from Dr. Cordula Neuhaus, a child psychologist and behavioral therapist.
- State clearly what behavior you expect, using a calm, firm, but fundamentally kind tone (never saccharine, covertly aggressive, pleading, or resigned).
- List the day's tasks in advance—perhaps a short checklist of chores given each morning. Expect resistance anyway. Be patient.
- Address bad moods from the start. For example: "I know it frustrates you when I ask you to tidy your room. But we agreed it would be done by Friday at eight."
- When critiquing or discussing a problem, stay focused on that specific situation. Don't wander. Don't digress.
- Don't complain about minor things. Insist only on what matters.
- Reinforce effort and willingness to try, not just the final result.
- Avoid over-praising and over-punishing alike. Both trigger extreme reactions.
- Never argue or negotiate during the heat of conflict.
- Use nonverbal corrections often, or very brief ones—perhaps a gentle touch on the shoulder.
- When necessary, raise your voice without name-calling or labeling.
- Avoid extreme adverbs like "constantly," "always," or "never."
- If a tantrum erupts, intervene quickly and decisively. If it's between siblings, separate them. Don't allow tattling. Use a time-out.
- Once the outburst has passed and calm returns, don't rehash what happened. Resume the day normally, then return to the issue later. Talking it through immediately reignites the agitation.
- In any serious conversation, say something positive before the negative. Instead of "but," try: "I think we've been getting along better lately, and I'd like us to agree on this too..."
- Don't take the child's behavior personally. What matters is the role you hold in their life.
- The more humor you can bring to what's typical of the condition, the better. A well-timed, even paradoxical touch of lightness can work wonders.
by Cordula Neuhaus, 2007
via Associazione Aidai