We have a moving testimony from Emanuela Laborit, a deaf young woman whose childhood included no religious instruction at all. Today she speaks of a single sentence from her believing grandmother—words that became a light illuminating her entire life.
May this young deaf woman's witness encourage all grandparents, especially those who grieve the absence of Christian education in their grandchildren's lives, or the lack of baptism itself. That sorrow cuts even deeper when a grandchild is disabled.
Thank God, this is not always the case. Often grandparents have every opportunity to awaken their grandchildren to faith, to guide them toward the sacraments—and their parents are genuinely grateful for the help. But when grandparents do take on this role, three dangers must be avoided:
Three Dangers
- fearing they lack sufficient training for the task;
- believing the child incapable of receiving religious formation;
- thinking they can undertake this education alone.
Grandparents can do much, and do it well. Even severely disabled grandchildren can receive much from them—real benefit, suited to their abilities. Religious formation is necessary, especially before catechesis, and it does require some preparation. Even when a qualified catechist is involved—particularly important for a severely disabled child—there is room for many different, complementary roles. A specialist catechist cannot replace a grandmother's role.
That is why, for instance, the grandmother of a psychotic adolescent attends our weekly catechesis meetings regularly and participates in both the sessions and the celebrations. In some cases, the grandparents' role has seemed invaluable: when parents were separated, grandparents could offer a child the continuity and stability they desperately needed.
"A Small Flame"
In these cases, many parents agree with their own parents, or at least allow them to act freely. Sometimes, though, grandparents desire religious formation and practice for a disabled grandchild while the parents are hesitant, even negative, or openly hostile. Grandparents and parents may see things very differently—and sometimes husband and wife do not agree. "I wouldn't say no, but my husband won't hear of it!" In some families it is open warfare. In others, parents accept it only to "not upset the grandparents," yet they are secretly pleased when baptism and first communion are celebrated.
Grandparents can assure a child those signs of continuity and stability he desperately needs
Behind the stated reason of "not wanting to disappoint the elderly," might there not lurk "a small flame still burning"?It matters that this small flame not be extinguished. And do not the child, and even more the adolescent, also have the right to express their own wishes?
When refusal is categorical and harsh—this too happens—the grandparents' role is not erased, but may consist in an "education in values," all the more vital for that reason.
Testimony becomes essential, while open conflict within the family would risk being not merely unpleasant but harmful. Especially since a disabled child is more fragile and has particular need for peace and security. This is not, however, reason to avoid all honest disagreement. The child must understand that adults around him hold different views. Let these adults express their convictions with mutual respect for one another. The child's wellbeing must come first.
Extraordinary Intercessors
We hope grandparents, parents, and catechists will understand and accept that a disabled young person may make their own choices. We have seen more than once how the baptism or first communion of a disabled child, despite lukewarm parental support, stirred something in every family member. God's grace, working through the child and their joy, has touched the hearts of more than one person—even parents broken by their trial.
In some cases grandparents can do nothing but suffer in silence, entrusting the disabled grandchild's spiritual future to the Lord's infinite mercy. One thing is beyond question: there is always something to be done. Is prayer not the most powerful tool for action? Grandparents can be extraordinary intercessors when they pray to the Lord. (OetLn. 116)
- Fr. Henri Bissonier, 1997