The heart of the two-day retreat was Jean Vanier's teaching. Speaking with characteristic spontaneity and warmth, he opened the weekend with an invitation: maintain silence throughout the first day to examine how we listen to one another. Then he asked us a simple question. How do we truly listen to others?
Some people communicate only through their bodies, their eyes, their souls. Without genuine listening, we risk misunderstanding them—and imposing our own ideas instead.
True listening requires relationship. It demands total involvement and an openness of heart. But that openness makes us vulnerable. It frightens us. So we close ourselves off. The result: we have never learned to listen to our own deepest self, and so we do not know ourselves.
Here Vanier turned to the Book of Genesis. Adam and Eve choose to find out what they can do without God—to decide for themselves what is right and wrong. God steps back. He lets them try. Then God asks: Where are you? And Adam answers: I was afraid because I was naked, so I hid.
When Adam says "I was afraid because I was naked, so I hid," he speaks for all of us. We close ourselves off. We hide out of fear. How do we escape the place where we hide? How do we accept our fragility?
Within each of us dwells a wellspring. A well of tenderness—a source capable of giving life and offering the very love of God itself. Mysteriously, tenderness is the presence of God. At the source of tears
Within each of us dwells a wellspring. A well of tenderness—a source capable of giving life and offering the very love of God itself. Mysteriously, tenderness is the presence of God.
At the source of tears
Jesus asks us: What do YOU want? Not what others want. He wants us to encounter our own deepest desire. That is why he has profound respect for each one of us. If we do not know ourselves, we cannot know God who dwells within us. What are you seeking? God lives inside you, and you do not know it. What do you say to yourself? What does the Holy Spirit—living in you—say to you?
God came to set us free. Free from being driven by our fears.
This does not mean we will never feel afraid again. But Jesus came to liberate us and help us hear our deepest desire.
What could be more tender than respecting the right to be yourself—with your own story? So often love becomes possession. But God's love sets us free. That is God's tenderness.
Laura Nardini, 2006
The Right to Tenderness
For readers who wish to explore this theme further, we recommend The Right to Tenderness by Luis Carlos Restrepo, published by Cittadella Editrice (Psicoguide). In this volume, the author develops the theme in an original way, with unexpected implications for society, politics, and education alike. Tenderness is positioned as the opposite of the "conqueror's" logic—a logic built on individualism, rationality, and social opposition.
