«Fede e Luce is the creation of bonds, of community, of love; it is people in relationship with one another, people committed to one another (something extraordinary in our world of infidelity); Fede e Luce is a bond, not only among people who are strong, healthy, in good health, but a bond with those who are weaker, a bond with those who are normally rejected.
This is the gift of Fede e Luce: we are bound to one another by ties of friendship, there exists an alliance between those who are weaker and those who have been called to live with them.
This is the essence of Fede e Luce».
From a conference by Jean Vanier
Pause for a moment and think about what we mean by «friendship»: what does it look like in our own lives?
Sometimes it's convenient («can you help me?»…), or a relaxing activity («let's go to...»).
We have «many friends,» passing from one to another with a wave, a handshake, a «maybe we'll talk sometime...»
This kind of friendship doesn't demand much of us: we don't really need the other person, and they don't really need us.
We don't trust, and we don't fully commit ourselves to the other person.
When friendship breaks or fades, the wound is shallow: the roots were never deep.
When we approach someone whose heart is wounded (not only children with disabilities, but also their parents), friendship becomes something very serious.
Children with disabilities especially offer their affection with generosity and expect an answer just as heartfelt. We can fill our hunger for love with many activities, hide disappointment through sports, studies, work.
The disabled person is left alone with their pain. If a friend breaks with us, we think they're a fool and a failure. If I neglect my friendship with a disabled person, they will feel like a fool, incapable of being loved. And their wound grows deeper.
All of this points to a second aspect of friendship: faithfulness.
Being there. Always.
Always doesn't mean every minute, but every time our friend expects us, counts on our presence. If nobody is waiting for us, if nobody wants to see us, it means we haven't been present enough, that we haven't forged deep bonds with people, but have settled for spending an hour now and then in cheerful company.
Our faithfulness in friendship with these young people tells them: «You matter to me,» and it helps them grow as persons
Joy and happiness give life to community, but at Fede e Luce they are rooted in suffering and despair.
If we have not first descended to touch that suffering deeply, perhaps our joy is empty.
Before a person will open their heart to us, they must trust us.
And then a moment of intimacy must come; that moment of discouragement, sadness, or joy when we reveal our truest selves.
I think everyone has experienced this in a friendship, or with someone they love.
The problem is that no one can know when it will happen.
You can't say: «sit down and tell me your troubles,» because those who suffer close in on themselves, afraid of being hurt again.
What we can do is, again, be there, always, with love, without growing tired.
Our faithfulness in friendship with these young people tells them «You matter to me,» and it helps them grow as persons.
Our faithfulness in friendship with their parents can ease their suffering and awaken hope.
And for us, it can teach a love that is a little more mature.
— Alberto Petri, 1990