Counseling aimed at parents
has a purpose, now proven beyond doubt:
to support at home and everywhere else
the therapist's effort and work.
It does no good, as people rightly say,
to give a child therapy
if at home, inevitably,
the condition only gets worse.
So a handful of reckless, eager
psychologists with the best intentions
dedicate themselves to fixing all the damage
created at home over three generations...
To bewildered and hesitant parents
we explain, in meticulous detail,
that (so the child will make progress)
certain mistakes must be avoided at all costs.
Rules are needed, limits, firmness—
paired with presence and attention.
A touch of authority doesn't hurt
alongside plenty of affection and understanding.
Only then, feeling protected
and, at the same time, loved and held,
can the child learn respect
and not experience the anguish of rejection.
And so he can express, fully and actively,
his potential and imagination,
he needs a positive approach
that fosters his independence...
"Independence? Are you joking?"
the mother gasps, bewildered.
"Since birth he's done whatever he wants!
Don't you think he's already achieved that?"
"And limits, rules... but forgive me,
don't you know the times have changed?"
They sigh together, disappointed:
"This Institute has outdated methods."
What do you do when the twelve-year-old
has always slept between his parents
or spends his afternoons, without a care,
flipping through three television sets?
"What's the harm?" they reply, content.
After all, we don't make a fuss.
We're a bit cramped but we've gotten used to it.
It upsets us if we move him away..."
"But the TV—we've set limits there!
More than six hours we won't allow
(twelve on Saturday) and no matter what,
we won't budge on this point!"
A little angel of only four years
smashes everything with hammer blows.
"But at that age it's normal to cause damage—
I pulled plenty of stunts myself..."
says the father, moved and proud.
"It's remarkable how much he's like me!"
"Doctor, don't listen to my husband.
He's got everything from MY side of the family!"
Then there's that wonderful girl
who torments all her relatives
by choosing for two hours every morning
among the various pieces of her wardrobe...
"What do you expect? She has an inborn taste, elegance!
These are gifts that should be cultivated!"
explains the mother with foresight.
"And if she wants to be a model when she grows up?"
There's one who at six years old still has breakfast
from a bottle, same as since he was born.
But will you spoon-feed him baby food
at his First Holy Communion too?
"Of course—otherwise he won't eat anything!
There's no promise, reward, or punishment
that works with a child who won't eat.
Do you want him to starve???"
The parents, stern and frowning,
from the other side of the desk,
stare at the psychologist in alarm
and whisper to each other, "He's insane... Let's go."
The psychologist, dejected and crushed,
can barely stammer:
"The counseling isn't finished yet!"
But there's no one left to listen...
Article from "Babele" no. 28, Sept.–Dec. 2004
