We talk often enough about the dangers of eating too much, too fast, too greedily. But let's also say this: there is something beautiful and important about eating as a family, or with friends, around a table prepared with care and elegance. Many of our disabled friends know how to fill a meal together with joy and celebration. Their pleasure is obvious—it spreads to everyone around them. And yet we believe they could do even more. They could cook simple, delicious dishes and desserts. They could set the table and make it beautiful with small, thoughtful touches.
What they need—and what all of us need, friends and parents alike—are a few small suggestions, reminders of how things are done, some time to work, and afterward, genuine appreciation and recognition for their effort.
Summer is coming, and with it come camping trips, outings, picnics outdoors. Instead of each person eating alone in their corner, how much lovelier to spread a large, colorful tablecloth across the grass or sand. The table is ready for everyone. Each person can set their provisions on it, and even better if someone has brought a big pasta dish to share. Water, drinks, and bread go in the center, where everyone can reach them. Problem solved: fewer ants, less sand, less wolfing down food and drink in a rush.
If you have an actual table at camp or in the garden, you can do much more. All our friends can lay out plates, glasses, and silverware—alone or with guidance. For those who find this harder, individual placemats work well (what's called American service), with drawings showing exactly where the plate, glass, and utensils go. That way it's just a matter of setting the pieces on top. In the center of the table, place flowers—freshly picked if possible, even if just branches with leaves—arranged carefully in a real vase or a repurposed glass jar.
We know friends who make clever place cards by themselves. But it's simple enough: find flat stones, wash them, write each person's initial with a marker. Or tie a slip of paper with someone's name to a flower stem. Not to mention what you can make with clay, salt dough, or other materials during the morning you spend together.
Using place cards well is not a small thing. Seat the shy person next to someone reassuring. Position the overprotected teenager away from their parents, who can then watch over the lonelier one. Make sure the person serving has room to move freely. These may seem like simple choices, but they take thought.
For an outdoor supper, it will be lovely to light the table with candles. A couple of normal-length candles placed in glass vases or jars will protect them from wind. To keep them upright, fill the bottom of the container with a few centimeters of sand, gravel, or pebbles, and use drops of wax as well.
Before eating, it's beautiful to hold hands, greet any newcomers, and sing or say a prayer together.
And don't skip the small toast at the end. One person at the table, with glass raised, can say a few words—maybe just how wonderful it is to be together like this. One of your friends would be perfect for this. Some love speaking in public; others will need encouragement, and that's fine.
Once the meal ends, assign two people—a friend and a young person—to collect all the scraps, wrappers, and trash carefully in one large plastic bag you've brought from home. If there's no dumpster nearby, load it in the car and take it where it belongs.
These are simple ways to make time together more meaningful and pleasant with our friends. We know them already. Sometimes we've done them. Other times we've let them slide. It's time to pick them up again and do them faithfully with our friends, asking them to take on small tasks and repeat them often.
As for special recipes that are easy to make and always work—no, we won't teach the Roman mothers how to make matriciana or the kids from Milan how to make risotto. They know better than we do. But if any of you readers know a recipe like this, please send it to us. We'll publish it.
Tea Cabras, 1999