Until now, science has had little to tell us about most of our children's handicaps. We are only at the stage of trying to find answers, to discover their causes and cures. Medically, it remains a mystery.
But I do not mean to speak of that mystery now. Rather, I want to speak of the mystery of the person—the personality of the handicapped child—which we must discover with love and contemplation, with serenity and great hope.
I know there are parents who no longer hope for anything from their child.
Every parent, certainly, maps out a particular path for their child. Yet so often the child cannot find it. Then comes disappointment—we have failed to lead them down the road we imagined—and in that failure, we close the door on hope itself.
We must always remember that a child, even if handicapped, has their own personality that must develop to become what they are meant to be.
Raising a handicapped child will take much longer. The child will need more help, more protection. But that does not mean the child should be smothered with overprotection. Both overprotection and neglect lead to the same outcome: the handicapped child becomes even more handicapped, because they are seen in only one way: "the problem child."
The problem is not solved by closing ourselves off, but by opening ourselves to the world around us—asking others for help and trying to understand their struggles too. We will discover that our own problems, little by little, can be borne with less difficulty.
We must make the effort to "offer" our problem to those beside us—but without bitterness or aggression. We give what we are capable of giving. We stand ready not only to receive help but to give it.
It is true that society has never been very willing to accept the handicapped child. But I ask you: is it open to accepting the other problems of other different people?
So it depends on us too—on our small contribution—to teach and change this society toward an openness that can welcome our hopes.
We need laws and proper structures for this. But we need, above all, people of goodwill. Yet for that to happen, our own hearts must change.
It does no good to think everyone is against us. It is far better to believe that someone is with us.
Can a handicapped child bring joy?
I know that no parent among you would exchange their child for any other.
But in this great truth—does it contain resignation, or does it contain acceptance?
We must not lose sight of the fact that life itself is a mystery for all of us. It is very important, if we are to avoid frustration, to understand that life holds many situations that escape our logic.
To place mystery in the path of our lives is a great help.
The same is true for the future of our children. We must have more trust. We must work to create openness around us—especially in today's world, which offers us so much uncertainty.
All people need two things: to be loved and to know they are not alone.
Dr. Maria Teresa Puerto, psychologist, 1977
