How do you greet an adult? When and to whom do you use the formal "you"? How do you use silverware properly? What rules apply when giving or receiving a gift? How do you choose a topic of conversation?
This slim book offers clear answers to these questions and a hundred others. The author addresses young readers—and the very young—reviving the old language of "good manners," of "how things are done," as if these rules had slipped from their minds or never been learned at all.
But there is more here than etiquette. Suggestions and guidelines are organized by topic, and together they sketch out a way of being—a way to behave toward others in all sorts of situations, especially the delicate ones. How do you act in a group? What about on a shared vacation? How do you recognize a true friend? What do you say to a girl you like? How do you ask her out? And how does she choose the right words and behavior to match what she feels inside? What makes someone a true athlete? How does a real fan behave?
One chapter tackles "Difficult Situations"—moments that make us uncomfortable: standing beside a family grieving a death, visiting a sick friend. And when you meet a disabled person, what should you say or do?
In short, beyond the rules of etiquette, the author seems bent on teaching her readers a way of being with others that is more thoughtful and generous—a way that moves past our first selfish instinct to think only of ourselves.
One small quibble: I think the text could be tighter in places. Some of the advice is too detailed. Young readers in particular may lose patience. Then again, maybe by skipping around—a page here, a page there—they'll stumble on something they never thought about before.
Tea Cabras, 2005